Life Lesson #1 - by @TheJayRafael

Alright, alright, alright…

Granted, I’m not the most successful nigga around when it comes to females (or life in general), but I have learned a few lessons throughout my time on this planet. But I recognize that I still have a lot to learn. So, what I’m going to do here is let people in on a few lessons I’ve discovered – more often than not through complete, utter failure. I’ll go through the stories and then give the moral at the end.

Lesson #1 – QUIT BEING A BITCH!

(the intro’s a little long, but trust me, I’m going somewhere with it)

This one’s fairly recent…and still stings a little. 

So, I’m a sophomore in high school, in what essentially equates to a gifted program on steroids. The kids in this program are essentially separated from the other (read: regular/”traditional” in our lingo) kids in the school, unless you have electives with them.

So, my school’s SGA was essentially a club that functioned as an elective, with a given class period and everything. At the end of the year, we take applications and sort through them, and decide who we’re going to let in, and who’s not gonna make it. One way we decided was through a lock-in, where we tested each candidate at how well they were able to do the things that we had to do on a daily basis.

The current members were split into teams, who oversaw teams of about eight people. So, being a two year veteran who was basically there since inception, I was made to help lead as much as possible. One person in my group was this cute blonde girl (I’m leaving names out for a reason), who I noticed from jump. I got to know her a little bit, but nothing really sparked. Come the first day of my junior year, I walk into class and who do I see staring? Same chick from the lock-in.

We got to be really good friends, exchanged numbers, started texting – you know, all that high school shit. Finally, the first big event of the year rolled around – Homecoming week. Our football team wasn’t very good (matter of fact, they were trash), so all that the kids were focused on was the Homecoming dance. Me and my niggas (damn the fact I went to a white school) were all rolling dolo (read: were bitchless), but we still got fly as hell and mobbed up for the dance (read: we carpooled).

Periodically through the night before I got to the dance, I was getting these texts asking me where I was, but the number didn’t seem familiar, so I kept saying I was on my way (I had lost all my contacts a few days before). When I finally did get there, it all made sense – this girl was, essentially, waiting for me to get there. 

The beautiful thing about my school was that, as strict as they were about some things, the way we danced was NOT one of them. These hoes got as wild as they wanted to, and the chaperones basically gave no fucks whatsoever. The DJ started spinning such classy tracks as “No Hands” and my personal favorite, “Grind On Me.” Naturally, we got to work.

My nigga…after I left, I could’ve sworn I was in love. I thought the Lord was smiling on me for like the next three weeks, bruh. I played Best I Ever Had for four days straight after that. And that’s when shit between us intensified. Texts got flirtier, we weren’t doing shit in class (I hardly ever did shit in class, so it was normal for me), and our friends got to speculating – like the real niggas we were (I am), we adamantly denied everything – nevermind what they saw at the dance.

Deep down inside, I knew there was something – but I kept denying, and denying…and eventually it bit me in my ass.

In the summer between my Junior and Senior years, we got to talking more and more, and Skyping – you know, all that high school shit. But there was one issue – towards the beginning of the summer, the Lord smiled on me again – it started raining bitches. I met a bad mixed joint on some random shit during my SATs who I thought was feeling me, and the girl I thirsted for throughout my first two and a half years of high school admitted that she used to have a massive crush on me and *STILL* thought I was cute. None of my homeboys could tell me SHIT. I just knew I was the man. But I never thought that being the man could be so taxing mentally – which one should I choose? 

The real nigga response: ALL OF ‘EM, NIGGA! AT THE SAME! DAMN! TIME!

My response: None of ‘em…until I get an UNAVOIDABLE, UNMISTAKEABLE sign.

While I was going through my own little dumbass dilemma, the lock-in girl went through two or three boyfriends through the second half of my junior year, and that summer (although we admitted that we had feelings for each other…like the bitch nigga I tended to be, I said “let’s wait and see” just to buy some time). As she began dating these dudes, and they hurt her over and over, I realized how jealous it was really making me – which was a mad weird thought for me, because I’ve never been “the jealous type.” And I realized where my heart truly was. 

By that time, she had told me she broke up with her boyfriend – naturally, I started rubbing my hands together like Birdman because I just KNEW that it was all mine, but I had a plan.

Make shit official at basically the one year anniversary to where shit first sparked off.

It’s about two weeks before my Senior year’s Homecoming, and I’m at the football game with a few of my boys (which, surprisingly, we were actually winning a few games), and I text her to find out where she’s at. She flags me down and I walk over to her, where she introduces me to her friend – which just happened to be a dude. Being the idiot I am, I thought literally nothing of it.

The week before, I’m steady plotting – when I’m gonna tell her everything, what I’m gonna say, how I’m gonna say it. I had everything figured out…but nah. About three days before the dance, we had “generation day” for our Homecoming spirit week – Freshmen dressed as babies, Sophomores in normal clothes (who gives a fuck about the Sophomores), Juniors dressed in business attire (for adults), and Seniors, well – you get the idea. 

So, I go to the spot that we normally meet to talk and shit before we have class in the same area. I see her walking up in her business clothes or whatever, and my nigga – my brain short circuited. I lost every single possible thought, idea, and memory that I had conjured up for the past three weeks. I started fumbling over my words n’shit, and I think a little bit of drool dropped out the corner of my mouth. But I lost all train of thought for two reasons – 

1) She looked bad as hell.

2) She had a rose in her hand.

Everybody knows that in high school, once you buy a chick flowers (or some weed or something) you own her. So all plans of mine just went out the window. It was basically #Sadderday (for you Twitter niggas) on a Tuesday. I let the right girl for me (at the time at least) slip through my fingers…again. 

Matter of fact, I just liked a picture of them on Instagram a few days ago. Go figure.

Basically, the moral of the story is – if you think it’s right, don’t wait. Take a chance, and go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection? A break up? All of those do suck…but nothing sucks worse than regret. Besides – if you do it right, you could write a song and make millions – shit, it’s worked for Drake thus far.

Til next time,

Jordan (@TheJayRafael)

Cyber bullying is a real problem in today's generation--how can we put a stop to this?

I wrote this article for an application to a scholarship sponsored by Direct2TV.com

When you pose this question to a group of people, you can end up with a myriad of answers.  The age of the person usually determines the type of answer you will receive.  The proposed solutions can range from the most simple of "just turn off the computer” (from the older generation), to the more complex and clinical suggestion of "tracking down and psychologically treating the perpetrator" (from the more educated population).  Regardless of how vast the spectrum of answers, there are some real ways to try to control and/or stop cyber bullying.

 First, what exactly is “cyber bullying”?  Well, cyber bullying is defined as “actions that uses information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm another or others”.  In everyday language, it simply means “using computers, cell phones, iPads, and such to email, post, text, instant message, or blog hostile or harmful messages or images of or about someone else”. 

So, back to the question, how do we stop it?  The most common response received to this question is: educate.  Educate everyone, especially the young!  It is very important that young people are able to recognize cyber bullying.  By recognizing it and its form, they can determine the next steps in stopping the current situation, and even discover how to prevent future bullying. Getting the word to young people in a language that they understand is the only way to educate them.  This can be done through community programs, pamphlets or booklets, public service announcements, or specially designed school presentations.  Once educated, behaviors can be changed.  This is a vital second step in stopping cyber bullying.  Behavioral change however, is two sided—bullies have to change, and victims also have to change. 

Bullies need to be educated to understand the impact their statements, texts, posts, and blog entries can have on others.  They need to know that what they view as a “joke” or a “get-even tactic” can be life shattering for someone else.  They must also realize that campaigns waged through social media to “teach someone a lesson”, can very well push a person to take their life. On the flip side, victims also need to change their behavior. They need to be educated that it is ok to speak up, that they really need to bring these “campaigns” to the attention of someone in authority. 

As a society, we have come to recognize that cyber bullying is a definite problem, and a majority of states do have laws now specifically for “electronic forms of harassment”, however, there needs to be tougher laws and penalties.  We need to recognize cyber bullying for what it is…a crime.  We need to stop dismissing it as “kids being kids”. Teens need to take responsibility for their actions and know that there are consequences for them.  Parents should to take true responsibility and monitor their kids, both the bullies and the victims. 

Lastly, open and honest communication in the home, as well as throughout society about cyber bullying is probably the best way to combat this growing epidemic.